Anni Hodge (she/they) 28

Antigua, West Indies/Miami/New York

Jasmine Respess: What's your name, age, and where are you from? 
Annie Hodge: My name's Anni, I'm 28 years old. I was born in Antigua in the West Indies. In Antigua and Barbados.And I was raised in Miami, Florida, with some time in New York City. 

JR: Where are your ancestors from?
AH: And my ancestors are from Antigua and Barbados. Also, with ancestry from Dominica, some French Caribbean places, so Dominica, Guadalupe. So, actually, I have this is documented from some conversations I've had. Yeah, so I'm from Dominica, Guadalupe, descendant of French Caribbean and Antigua. 

JR: Where did you live in Miami, or where did you grow up specifically? 
AH: So, when I first moved to Miami, I lived in Palmetto Bay, Colonial Drive. That was a very short time. And then I lived with my dad and my stepmom in Carroll City. And then I went to school in Allapattah and Little Havana. 

JR: How would you define your practice, religion, spirituality, however you define it? What would you call it? 
AH: I would define it as being a mixture of Buddhism, Hinduist practice, some Catholicism, pretty much what I grew up around, and what has influenced me. Also, Obeah, I would say, Indigenous West African practices, Indigenous Caribbean practices. I would describe it as a combination of that. So, a lot of synchronized deities, also some European practices as well, because that is my ancestry. Especially in Antigua, there are definitely a lot of Europeans. So just like aligned with, not necessarily Wiccan, but paganism. So, I would describe it as that, like a mesh and a mixture of all of those things and things that I learned along the way from other people. But also, my grandmother, who I grew up being raised by. Things that my grandmother would say. A lot of it is with Obeah and with my grandmother, and then also just things that I grew up knowing about in Antigua, even though people can be very uncomfortable about Obeah or certain practices, it's very much in the way that we do kind of everything. Regardless of your religion or what you do, it's just a part of your life. So just things like Florida Water, like making your own types of different food, potions, like who you allow to touch your hair, who you share things with, like showering, going to the beach or cleansing with certain type of water, like divination candles, which is also tied into European practices, like setting intentions, ancestral communication, like doing child work, and like dreaming and things like that. There's a book, it's called Black Women, Buddhists and Collective Liberation by Toni Pressley-Sanon. I have been reading little excerpts; my sister is a Buddhist, so I was just interested. And also, I did forget to say that astrology has become a part of my spiritual practice as well just because of like divination. I have to divine because that's an ancestral thing from my family. Because that's my ancestral thing; dreaming, that's something I got from my grandmother and everyone before her. So personally, I did study astrology for a little bit, but it's just the best way that I can divine. I can also divine with like candles. I also do nail divination, which is Onychomancy. Which is like tarot, nails. All of those things are connected because they're forms of divination. Everything's ruled by a planet or, so that's also a part of my spiritual practice, which I do use the Buddha's concept of Dukkha and having collective suffering to tie back to astrology because I believe astrology is important for people to understand that we're all collectively going through very similar things. And that's a lot of how I approach my life and practice, like I believe in praying for my friends and divining for my friends and praying for people I know and their success, and my community's success, which is a part of a lot of how I do my spiritual practice.

JR: Yeah, you and I have spoken about syncretism.
AH: There's a lot, because there's a lot of cultures in the Caribbean. There are a lot of people from different places. Also, because Obeah, especially in the British Caribbean, which is a conversation, because I was actually just describing this to someone the other day, Obeah as a word can be applied to anything that's outside of Christianity. So, people will say Santeria, Voodoo, like that's something that will colloquially be called Obeah. And then there's actual practice, which is very loose because it was so oppressed, and very oppressed to the point where people have been arrested up until pretty recently. I think one of the most recent ones was 2015, and they were Hindu, which is very interesting. So, depending on where you're from and your practice, there's a lot of syncretism, which is kind of like different deities that represent each other across different cultures. But then, just a lot of syncretized spiritual practices like in Hinduism, even like with Islam. I do fast a lot. That's something that's in my personal spiritual practice and engaging in discipline, like shaving my hair, a lot of fasting, a lot of restriction, I follow a lot of Buddhist things, a lot of consumption in certain ways, a lot of meditation, a lot of self-restriction. That's just my personal practice. I grew up with a family that was Trinidadian, and they also had their own spiritual practices, which also included Christianity. My cousin is of Indian heritage, so a lot of those things, there's a lot of correlation even with baptism and observing wearing all white. I personally do the opposite. I observe wearing mostly black, because in my spiritual practice, black isn't a bad color. But that's just a whole different conversation.  And that's also something I've been thinking about, possibly changing for many different reasons. But there's Hinduism, there's Baptists. I grew up partially Adventist and in Catholicism. I grew up in a lot of different denominations and different things, like candle lighting, repetition, chant repetitions, which I learned obviously being Catholic. And then there's a lot of crypto-paganism, which is having one religion and presenting one to the world and doing something else. 

JR: Which is the application of certain deities to other religions? 
AH: My grandma was very much like that; that was her whole thing. She was Catholic, but she wasn't. She was Catholic, but she engaged in a lot of other spiritual practices. Even with just now, the shoes at the door, that's something that is actually very Hindu, Indian. That's a very Asian, actual practice in the Caribbean. They're always like, Oh, it's to be clean, but it's also because the feet are seen as shoes from the outside. It's very dirty, and it's something you don't want to taint your spiritual home with the outside. For me personally, there are specific deities. I have specific deities that I like, but I don't really do cross-deity work. It's not necessarily my jam, but I do use multiple spiritual things that I know about and that I've been taught. And in my family in general, even though people are very Christian, there are many things. We have a lot of Buddha statues, and a lot of Hamsa against evil eye. It's very common in my family's home. People will have those kinds of things.

JR: I think the idea of suffering is definitely one I've like been thinking about a lot, or the idea that my pain is not unique, and that's a good thing. 
AH:I think a huge thing with suffering is, when society is very individualistic, the thought that causes, to me, a lot of mental distress for people is that they feel like they're alone. You feel like it's happening to you by yourself, but with astrology, intense practice really made me realize that, you know, there are other people that are going through very similar things. I found it, and then I took a break because I was doing a lot of readings and it became very spiritually overwhelming for me. And I found that keeping it in my life is helpful, even if not in like a deep study. Personally, when I was doing a lot of readings, I focused a lot on family relations. I'm really good at moon readings,  which is like your maternal or maternal figures, which, I think, is because of me losing my mom at a young age. I have a very good connection. I'm very good at reading that, which opens up a whole chart. So, when I do my readings, I do them a little differently. I do houses and all of those things, but I'm very good at like, This is like your relationship with your father, your sun, the moon. When I do, usually my moon one is the longest reading. The collective. It's an important relationship. And it's also not just your relationship with your actual physical, biological mother, but also the things that mother you or the things that nurture you.

JR: What's your first memory of something spiritual? 
AH: Well, I have really early memories. I have really good memory. That's like my thing. But no, what was my first memory? There's a lot. Also, because I grew up in Antigua, which is a very spiritual place. So, there was always something that was happening. I would say a huge memory for me, because I do battle a lot with just not having any spirituality and being an atheist, which is like a whole different thought pattern. I remember being a kid, and a huge memory of spirituality is just growing up in the Caribbean, just growing up in Antigua. It was a huge part of our lives to come here to the US to talk about being descended from enslaved people. Like everywhere you go, they'd be like, yeah, this is where this happened. It was a very common thing as a kid. It was very talked about. It was very normal to know that that had happened, because it was everywhere that we were. There are a lot of stories about different places, like houses. Oh, this happened here. And you can hear these people screaming, still. And we have a place called the Devil's Bridge, which is a body of water that's very rough; you can't swim in it. And there are rocks and things. We have a really big one that's a tourist attraction. And it's a very spiritual experience because there were ships that would go there, and they talk about people jumping. It's just really rough. It’s a place where you can feel. I do have a lot of spiritual connection to that place. So, I remember being a kid and going there, and when they would tell those stories, being able to really see and feel like those people. This particular place, anywhere you went, like school, had a connection to something like that. The school I went to, I remember, the owners of the original housing passed away. And I was a little kid, and this for me is the earliest memory of being like, Okay, like there's like ghosts and stuff, or things around. And I would always kind of feel them around. And I remember when I was in first grade, or second grade, there, we had two separate bathrooms; there was an old bathroom that we weren't really supposed to use, and another one that was newer. And I went to the older one, and the door locked on me. Like something closed the door.  There were nails, but it very much gave that there was also something going on. Yeah, we weren't supposed to use it. And well, I went to use it because I had to pee. I was a Scorpio child. Yeah. And something closed the door; it was an early ghost memory for me. And I was just like, What the fuck? And I could not open the door. No, I was like maybe five or six, maybe. And I could not open it. And I was just really scared. And I started telling my mom, Please like open the door. I need somebody to open it. I need to get out. And I was there for like 10 minutes, asking any ancestor I knew to open the door. I was like, Open the door! My friend came and opened the door as soon as I started saying that. And she was just like, What are you doing in here? Like what the hell? And I was like, I needed to pee. And then she was like, Don't come in here. And the door opened. I remember that happening, and even before that, I think the door had started opening a little bit. I was starting to feel the lock open, but it just wouldn't open, like it was jammed shut. Something just closed the door. That’s a very early spiritual memory for me. There'd be a lot of things like bats flying after you and all kinds of things. Seeing like my mother and things like that growing up. There would just be a lot of little experiences I would have like that. Also, the reason why it was a hard question is because my conception was very spiritual. My mom was very sick and dying from cancer when I was conceived. And she was not supposed to try to have a child. And she had me, and I was perfectly healthy. And I also had 12 fingers and 12 toes. Which is a whole thing, especially in Obeah, it's seen as me continuing my grandmother's legacy, because a lot of us had 12 fingers and 12 toes, which we are also the most spiritual people in my family who have this. But in Obeah, my grandmother had it, and it is her genes and all of that. So it was a big deal growing up. I have birthmarks, I have six fingers; the 12 fingers and 12 toes. Another spiritual memory, which is also very West Indian and Caribbean, is burying them on my dad's yard. My dad had them in a jar, preserved, and we buried them together when I was a kid.

JR: I feel like a lot of Scorpios are birthmarked in one way or another.
AH: Yeah, for sure. That's the 12th house Pluto, shadow realm ruling stuff. Shadow realm ruling stuff, you know. We're all knocking on heaven and hell and death’s door and all of that. 

JR: Who do I consider for the teacher? 
AH: I would definitely say my grandmother. Astrology, one of my cousins, someone I dated, actually taught me about astrology. Something I'm really into is fraternal orders and things like that because I have something about me that attracts those types of men, which also my grandma did, because my grandpa was definitely one of those types of men. So my grandmother, my cousin, and my sister. I would say my sister, growing up, was one, the black sheep of the family, but also very woo-woo and very spiritually on another plane; doing a lot of ancestral rituals and into a lot of candles and incense and setting intentions. And even just waking up a certain way. So I would say my grandmother, my sister, and even my aunts.  I would say even this is spiritual practice. Growing up with my aunt, kind of like the discipline, obviously, I didn't like it, but waking up. We wake up at six and seven, every day, and for 30 minutes to two hours we would pray for two hours and listening to a lot of music, and expressing yourself musically. Definitely like rituals for sure, and engaging in practice in that way. I mean it would be so many people. My dad's a cook, my dad's like a really great chef. And teaching me how to cook, mostly Indigenous foods and traditional foods, is something I learned from my dad. So, it would be a lot of people in my life, like aunts, my dad, my grandmother, my sister, some cousins, and someone I dated. It'd be a lot. 

JR: Do you feel comfortable sharing this with your family, your inner circle? 
AH: With my family, yes, to some extent. It depends on who in my family. But my relationship with my family is a little different because obviously my mother died when I was very young, so I get a lot of pressure for a lot of things, but I also got a lot of leeway on a lot of things. So, yeah, there's a lot of certain things that I can definitely speak about with my family, which isn't usual, I think other people most likely can't. I also think Miami, being the type of place it is, like even with my cousins, it's a place that definitely fosters this conversation more openly, just because so many people here do so many different things. There are certain aspects of my practice that I can definitely speak about with my family. Even just things like dreaming, or like connecting with my mom, or like ancestral things, but there are certain things, especially in regards to Obeah, that make them very uncomfortable, because of the age and the time they grew up in. Especially with my grandma ruling the community, and just certain women's roles, it can cause a lot of distress.

JR: Yeah, because it's a power. 

AH: Yeah, and people treat you differently. It can cause a lot of things for a child to be around that. But for the most part, yeah, I can talk about a lot of spiritual things with my family, which isn't usual, but I do get a lot of leeway because maybe they're kind of scared of me. Yeah, I'm the black sheep scapegoat. It's definitely being in between two worlds and places, especially with the dreaming, it's something I can always talk to my aunt about. It's also different because my aunt is my Mom's twin sister, identical twins, so there's a huge spiritual connection there. And I know that's also a very important connection in Santeria; I'm also around a lot of people who practice Santeria and are initiated. I attract a lot of people who are. I'm always being called to that. They interact a lot, a lot of people will divine to me, especially in Miami, people will come up to me and just divine. There are certain Orishas that I hold,  obviously because of the type of practice it is, and there's initiation and things required, but there's crossover, so there are certain people or Orishas I hold very clearly, like the Ibeji, which are twins, because there is such a twin presence in my family. And I see how that connection is for my aunt, like she's extremely connected to my mom spiritually, because that's her twin sister, and my mom's connected to me. So if I'm going through something or I'm like hurt or something, my aunt always knows. If anything is happening to me, my aunt is always very aware of anything I'm going through. Leo twins. 

JR: What are some of your daily practices and rituals? 
AH: My daily rituals and practice, or practices that I do, would definitely be showering. I like to get, from the beach, ocean water. Making tea, I make tea with different herbs, I like to mix a lot of herbs. Cooking is a huge part of my spiritual practice. Cooking different things. Cleaning my altars and creating different altars which don't look like altars, which is a huge part of my spiritual practice. So, being able to create spaces that don't necessarily look obviously like that, because it's an easier, natural thing. But then there are also different ones for different things, like ancestral ones, my shoes, beauty ones, which relate to the Orishas, certain Orishas, and deities that I kind of synchronized with in certain ways. So, my cat is a part of my spiritual practice because she is very much like a familiar to me. I like to walk a lot. That's a thing. I do like walking outside the other day. I was walking down here, and there was a whole tarot card reading, and there were some interesting cards in there. So, that would be a huge part of my spiritual practice: cooking, just keeping my space a certain way, showering, doing spiritual baths, definitely, praying, and writing is a huge part of my personal spiritual practice.